Who am I?

   In retrospect this probably should have been the first entry in my blog.  Truth is that it simply did not occur to me that anyone would be interested in the person behind the words.
   The entire reason I began this blog is that it was recommended I do so.  When I first started writing I bought an e-book called 'Building Your Fanbase' (I highly recommend it for any newb writers like myself.).  One of the suggestions was to start a blog.
   Now I was more than a bit hesitant to do so.  I considered blogs to be nothing more than online diaries (Although it should be noted that at the time I hadn't read any blogs other than Jim Butcher's, so I really had no idea what I was talking about).  Also I had no clue what in the hell I would write about.  I had difficulty fathoming anyone reading it in the first place (Outside of supportive friends or relatives.), and wondered if I had it in me to do interesting entries.
   In the end I started the blog because of all the different ways to connect with people recommended by B.Y.F., blogging was the only one that both interested me and I thought I could do.
   So as the bit at the top states, I decided to just blog about my attempt to write a book and get published.  Every entry since has been just that.  Whatever was on my mind at the time is what I jotted down.  So far it has felt awkward, like a pair of new shoes.  With a couple of exceptions the entries felt forced.  Like I was trying too hard.  I may have had my doubts, but if I am going to blog I want to do it right.
   Up to now my blog, much like the first few chapters in my book, didn't feel like me.  I didn't see/feel myself anywhere in it.
   Over this last week, since I couldn't do much besides edits and research, I decided to look at other authors blogs to maybe find ways to make mine better.  I ended up reading Kevin Hearne's blog from beginning to the most current entry.  It was great reading for two reasons.
   First, he is a fairly new author and did with his blog what I am attempting to do with mine.  He has documented his experiences with getting published.  What he's learned, the surprises, mistakes, and misunderstandings.  I have learned more about being an author and the publishing process in the last week than I have in the last six months.
   The second reason is that from the very beginning, every entry has the author all over it.  Reading it feels like I am talking with him.  It's so very personal.  His photo contests, nerdy/geeky references, the entries about painting miniatures.  All of it screamed, "I am Kevin Hearne."
   Now I knew what I wanted my blog to be.  I hate the idea of anyone reading this and having it come across as impersonal.  I want a piece of me in every line.
   In order to do that I needed to ask myself an important question.
   Who am I?
   See how I worked the title in there?
   Now once I answered said question came the hard part.  Telling you.
   Like many, if not all, writers and artistic types I am a writhing bundle of neuroses.  An extreme lack of self-confidence being one of the more prominent issues.  Again, I really had difficulty with the idea that anyone would have the slightest interest in me or my little pet project.
   In the end I just told myself I was over thinking things as usual and to just shut the hell up and do it anyway.  So here goes nothing.
   My name is Daniel Cortes and I'm thirty-mumblemumblemumble years old.  I enjoy most all things geek (Anime, comics, sci-fi, etc, etc.).  I prefer to go by my nickname 'Shakes'.  And before you can ask, I was given that nickname by a co-worker many moons ago due to a tremor I have in both hands.  At the time I hated nicknames, especially in relation to my tremor which I was sensitive about.  My hands were always in my pockets or tucked under my arms to hide it.  Having spent most of my life being picked on, bullied, and humiliated I was pretty oversensitive in general.
   The moment he called me Shakes I started to get pissed and took a breath to tell him off when I had an epiphany.  I could either keep getting pissy about the damn tremor or accept it and just tackle it right up front from now on.  So from that day forth I introduced myself as Shakes.
   Anyway back to the beginning.  I was born in Dallas, TX.  At the age of four my parents divorced and we moved to a town called Ewa Beach on the island of Oahu (That's in Hawaii, just FYI.).
   As most kids do I took the divorce pretty hard and since reality was turning out to suck, I sought surcease from sorrow in books.  The public library became my home away from home.  I threw myself into world after world.  Edgar Rice Burroughs, Jack McKinney, Peter Benchly (I was way to young to have read 'Jaws'.), became my friends.
   I didn't start writing until late in high school.  The urge was always there, but the confidence was lacking.  My first forays into writing were nothing special.  I had no direction and no friggin' idea what I was doing.  After high school I dropped it for awhile as I got lost in the adult world of work and bills.  Didn't start writing again until after leaving the military.
   I had three ideas that I was attempting to turn into novels as well as a few short stories, and still had no bloody clue what I was doing.
   As I have mentioned before I won't bother mentioning all my lame ass excuses, because that's all they really are is excuses, for quitting but a few years after leaving the military (I was living in Tucson, AZ at the time.) I gave up on writing.
The two primary factors were due to a major increase in depression brought on by a particularly bad relationship/break up that left me in a pit of self-pity and despair I had never before experienced.  I found myself for the first time seriously considering suicide.  I even slept with my gun next to my bed.
   The second reason was that a friend who claimed he was going to edit what I had so far (Grammar mostly.) showed off my writing to a few people we both knew, with my permission, as long as my name was withheld.
   Putting it mildly the reactions were not positive.
   Now though I only worked on my stories sporadically I did take my work seriously and poured myself into them.  A lot of the things I kept pent up, ended up in those works.  And to hear friends (The people I hung out with at the time were not shy about taking anything they didn't like and verbally ripping it apart, then taking those pieces and shitting all over them.) who did not know whose stories they were and listening to them tear my work apart was simply too much for me at the time.  Hearing it was like the world telling me, "FINISH HIM!".
   So seven years ago I took my dream of being a published author and slit it's fucking throat.
   Then came the fateful day I was introduced to Jim Butcher and a cool ass dude named Harry Dresden.  Reading the Dresden Files stirred up the coals buried in the ashes of my dreams cremated remains.  And after listening to the inspirational words of another cool dude named Kevin Smith I resurrected my dream and am now eight chapters into my first novel.
   A big difference between then and now is knowledge.  Thanks to Mr. Butcher and Mr. Hearne I have an idea of how to put a book together and a decent idea of what I can likely expect.  I still have the depression and confidence issues but am now, finally, doing something about them.
   The biggest difference is that I'm not doing this to get published.  While getting published would make me nut myself, and is a goal, I am doing this for me.  Regardless whether I am ever published or not I am going to continue writing.  I am sick to fucking death of looking back on my life and feeling nothing but regret and shame.  For never finishing what I start and being too much of a damn coward to take risks.
   I'm finishing this book, and as many more as I possibly can, even if it kills me.  I am going to give it my best and I hope you like it.  I hope it makes you laugh, cry, and everything in between.  And if not?  Then fuck it.
   I would rather be a failure than a coward.

     You can find me on Twitter @DCortes5150.  I hope to hear from anyone willing to do so.  Questions, comments, recipes, jokes.  All are welcome.

Edits, edits, and more freakin' edits.

   I think so far the aspect of this all that I dislike the most is the editing process.  Having to go over everything again, and again just gets so damn tedious.  I've started to lose count of how many times I've re-read what I have so far.
   Picking it apart for even the tiniest flaws, misspellings and errors.  Rewording, rearranging, or even completely rewriting some sections.  And word repetition.  Oh fuck, don't even get me started on word repetition.  I can't seem to get away from it.  There was a paragraph in chapter 4 that had the same word used five friggin' times.  The hell was I thinking?
   An upside to the editing and re-reading thing is that it allows me to see what the book is becoming.  Now that its been refined a few times and some of the rough edges sanded down, I can say that I am happy with how my little tale is developing.  With every round of edits it's really starting to read and feel like an actual novel.  A few times I've even caught myself forgetting that I am supposed to be making corrections and actually getting involved in what I'm reading.
   Unfortunately my editor is still out with his medical stuff, and due to other familial obligations and responsibilities,  he has been unable to return to editing with me and may not be able to finish the project at all.  Which will suck on toast because a) My grammar sucks, so those edits will be crap. And b) I will now probably have to pay someone to do the final editing.  Which is expeeeeeensive.  Not ridiculously so, but for a lives-paycheck-to-paycheck kinda dude like myself, its gonna be a big hit to the'ol pocketbook.
   Kind of a necessary evil though.  I'm so focused on the edits because I don't want people stumbling over what they're reading.  Nothing ruins getting sucked into a book like having to abruptly stop and ask, "What the hell does that mean?"
   I really want the story to flow.  To be as polished as I can get it before tossing it out to the wolves.
   Before I leave you this time I have a small announcement.  I have finally selected a section of the book to use as a teaser.  Once the edits to it are done I will make it available.  Hopefully in the next week or so.

Research & Development

   This is my first blog post from my new smart phone so I apologize if the errors are more rampant than normal.
   Haven't made much progress.  Partially due to health issues and partially due to straying outside of my research zone.  From the prologue to the end of C7 the book stayed in the area I had initially looked into.  Now that I have moved past it I find myself stuck until I learn the new one.
   One of the surprises for me in this go round at writing is the large amounts of research I have had to do.  Before I just sat down and wrote.  The world was a fictional one purely dreamed up in my imagination.  I didn't need to do research (I stupidly thought at the time.) if I made it all up.  Now having started this project and going into it with the mindset of 'research good' I may chafe at the delay some times, but I like the depth it gives my story.  Sometimes I find myself doing hours of research simply for a line or two.  But it seems that making sure you have that line or two sounding right or simply being accurate is the difference between your book reading like an amateurs first draft and having it read like a real novel.
   A little research can go a long way.  Not to mention in this age of information people can, and will, find any and all mistakes and will be happy to broadcast them to everyone else.  An hour getting your shit straight can save you a lot of headaches later.
  I have also dipped my toes into a technique that I may keep.  When I found myself at a research stand still I became frustrated with it.  I still wanted to write damn it.  Some writers can skip around their creation lah-de-dah when they get stuck and just come back later.  I am not one of those.
   I have found however  that I may be able to skip books.  I have been chomping at the bit to get to the second book.  Story wise that's where I want to be.  So as an experiment I went ahead and wrote the prologue for the second book to my current project.  I may keep at it because while the first book is still my primary goal and focus of my efforts, there really isn't anything story wise that's going develop that I can't keep track of.  AND it will give me a head start for when the first one is done and I can shift my focus to the next project.  Finally got to introduce a character I have been really looking forward to, and can't waitto do so regularly.

The fine line between weird and just plain nuts...

     This morning I sat here in front of my laptop organizing files and folders for the book I'm writing and other future projects and found myself working on character bios.  Some current, some to-be.  One of them is the mother of the protagonist in my current project.
     Her name is Norma.
     I have given a lot of thought to this character because while she won't spend much actual time in the series (At least as far as I have planned so far.) her presence will be felt quite a bit.  Norma is not a nice person.  In fact one might describe her as a raging cunt.  I don't normally like to use that word but if the shoe fits.  Through her cruelty and neglect she has inflicted things on the main character that will reverberate through out the series for quite awhile.  So far her character has solely existed only in my mind.  I've dredged up some pretty nasty things that she is going to do.  And for some reason beginning to fill out that character sheet I actually found myself experiencing a genuine emotion toward the character
     Hate.
     Or to be more precise, anger.  Taking that step toward making the character "real" made me think of every nightmarish thing I am going to have her inflict on Dean and I truly began to hate the bitch.
     The moment I realized what was going on I had to stop and reflect on the oddity of it.  Here is someone who does not never has, nor ever will, exist.  A thing of pure thought that I created, doing things that I have her doing and I despise her for it.  So here's the thing... did I just take a step closer to insanity or does that mean I am on the right track?  I've read of other authors becoming emotionally attached to certain characters, or at the very least claiming so, and personally doubted the validity of such a thing.  I mean having genuine emotions for something purely fictional seems a bit daft.  Can you really feel for something that doesn't exist?
     I think the answer is yes.  Using the 'Dresden Files' as an example I have become attached to the people Jim Butcher has brought to life.  The emotions I experience while reading them are not any less true because they don't actually exist.  So why wouldn't I feel something like that for the ones I create?  I want you the reader to feel what I feel when I read the works of others.  To laugh when they laugh, cry when they cry, love when they love.
     I feel like something happened to me at that moment.  It was one of those times that you look back on later and say, "That's when it changed.  From then on I was altered."
     I think I just became a real writer.

I get by with a little help from my friends...

     FINALLY finished off chapter seven.  So far I have probably struggled with that chapter more than any other thus far.  I have to give credit to a couple a different sources for it.  One is a guy I work with who with a simple idea got me to pump out nearly a page.  The other is a long-time friend who got my creative juices flowing simply by letting me talk.  It really is a lot of fun to simply jabber about what I'm doing.  Talking shop with another writer or even someone who is creating something of their own can inspire like no other.
     It was also nice to be able to throw ideas and concepts that I have been keeping from my other guinea pigs (I mean beta-readers.) simply because I don't want to ruin anything and I need their feedback unbiased. Telling my buddy everything was kind of an experiment that ended up being a rousing success.
     The high I got talking his ear off about it sustained me through a pretty rough week.  Ended up with an ear and a tooth infection that left me pretty hopped up on some groovy pain killers.  Which I normally would have enjoyed (The pain killer part, not the infection.) except it made writing anything more than a little difficult.  Kinda hard to jot stuff down when the words keep moving.
     Never turn down any source of potential inspiration.  I'm not saying show off what your doing to everyone you can, that's how ideas get stolen, but don't spurn telling someone just because they don't seem like the "ideal" candidate.  The non-reader buddy you talk to may hit you with an idea or concept that would never have occurred to you otherwise.  The guy I work with just made an offhand comment and I got around a page out of it.  And when you haven't written jack shit in over two weeks a page is a lot.
     Also follow your favorite authors or writers online.  I follow several on Twitter and have gotten words of encouragement from some.  Recently Kevin Hearne (Author of the Iron Druid Chronicles, which I can't recommend enough.) posted some words of encouragement about word count and when I thanked him I actually heard back.  If I ever make it in this business I plan to take a page out of Mr. Hearne's book and actually respond to my followers.  Anything I could do to help a fellow newb like his simple words helped me would be passing on a kindness that has far reaching effects.
     I would like to thank Mr. Hearne not only for writing some hilarious and entertaining books but for remembering the little guy and setting an example of what an author should be.

The Swamp Of Sadness

     Getting through C7 I feel like Atreyu slogging it through the muck.  Gained some ground with a good suggestion from a friend, but now find myself back in it up to my neck.  Maybe the luck dragon of inspiration will save me before the G'Mork of depression rips my legs off.
     Its there.  The substance of the scene is there but it keeps slipping through my fingers like a greased toad.
     Found a new show to inspire.  Hemlock Grove.  Finished watching it and felt a kind of kinship.  It had a very amateur feel to it, but it was done with a lot of heart.  It also had a very Hayao Miyazaki feel in that whole writing despicable characters that you can't help but identify and even like thing.
     Hate having the drive but not the ability to move forward.  There's so much more I want to do with it, so many paths to wander down.  I have such a hard time doing anything but look forward.  I want to be there, not here.  Need to lock my attention down on the here.
     Here's hoping I can kick this in the ass and get moving.

Got the madness covered, now how 'bout some method.

I feel like I'm trying to level up but can't find a quest.  Haven't done jack squat in about two weeks.  Nothing new anyway.  Took the time to go back and just read what I have so far.  Kind of a chance to stop and make sure I'm still coloring in between the lines.  So far I like what I'm seeing.
     But I keep getting hung up on the smallest things.  Trying to get this seed of an idea to grow into a full blown scene has been like pulling frelling teeth.  So far every version of the scene in the gun shop has come out like a really bad exploitation film.  Think 'Pulp Fiction' directed by Uwe Boll.
     *shudder*
     Not the tone I want for my first book.
     Still having to fight against lack of motivation.  Which kinda blows my mind seeing as I can't stop thinking about it.  All day, every day, some part of my mind is thinking about some aspect of this book.  Its the first thing on my mind when I wake and the last when I go to sleep.  So why the frelling-frakking-fucking hell is it so hard to get myself to do anything?
     Part of me thinks that I may be focusing on it too much.  Thinking about one thing all the time can get a bit stressful.  Hell, I can't even play video games anymore without feeling guilty that I am not writing.  I may have somehow crossed from being my own cheerleader to being my own drill sergeant.
     One thing that I do find helps is writing while listening to music.  I know a real revelation right?  Reading AND listening to music?  I'm a freakin' genius!
     Okay, delusion over.
     But yes I do really find that music helps fuel the imagination in a way nothing else can.  Except for smell maybe but I'm not going to write the first scratch and sniff zombie book.  Ewwwwwww.  
  Classical or instrumental works well for me.  Especially soundtracks like 'Dark City', 'Close Encounters of the Third Kind', or 'Braveheart'.  Also the soundtrack for Halo: ODST.  And last but not in anyway least the soundtrack for Skyrim and Minecraft.  Mix generously with random Weird Al and MST3K music tracks, blend and enjoy.
     Serve chilled.